A Look Back

Had to remit fees for the final exam of my college life. I wonder what it will be like after this? I have this sense of curiosity for the next thing to come that I am feeling that the end of this period of my life, which on discussion with Gautam is 1/5th of my period in Earth - 20% of my life. 20% of my life, I have spent @ SCT College of Engineering, Pappanamcode, Trivandrum. Wonderful! There goes 20% of my life in vain. Hehe, well not all of it! It is a good college, giving us the freedom to do just anything we want to... Although, in this last sem there were some changes [initiated by the new Principal - Monseuir Ramachandran, P V.].

One good thing that college life has indeed provided me is a growing realization as to what I expect of friends? How I _expect_ people to react to me? Hehe, although the journey was filled with ups and downs, it still has given me a set of definitive ideas!

Other doubts cleared off my head about me that college has indeed changed would be the following [as I am writing this impromptu, as I am having a retrospection, this is indeed not an exhaustive list] -

[] My doubts of me being a good manager and a people man - I think that has definitely changed. At the end of BVB [hmm 2 wasted years of my life], I kinda grew up to be a very _selfish_ person I would beleive. I had nothing running on my head, except for what I should be doing to move on with my life? I probably would have resigned to be a loner [coz the path was certainly there, what with people around me, moving off]. I think that has changed to a certain degree for I beleive that I am more an extrovert that I had cared to be in BVB [I was a complete extrovert prior to BVB]. I think probably time at BVB could also have been enjoyable had I really taken the effort? I did learn that there is something called _effort_ to maintain relationships and ties with people. It is not a given for any man or woman. It does require special resources - time and effort. [Life in BVB must have been a resignation for me from what I considered heaven in my lifetime - a year of Rocky Hill High School] [] I am not so _techie_ that I thought I was. I had considered myself an academic [still do], but I realised that books were my excuse for being a recluse at BVB. I still think that books are good, you never waste a minute reading about something. The only expectation that you have from a book that it is a good read. With people, you kinda widen your expectations to a whole new level. [] I am probably more confident about my abilities as a vocalist - as a performer - as an orator - as a friend [coz of ze definitive ideas]. I have grown to love the stage - grown to love people cheering for me [when I sing well]. An incident that will be forever etched in the annals of my life is when Potti, Anoop and me decided to perform at the college arts fest in 2nd year. To impress upon people that we are heavy metal lovers - ze headbangers - we decided to perform "Nothing Else Matters" :grin:. Anyhoo, we were setting up the stage - Anoop on the guitars, as he can't well uhum, maintain his pitch [euphemistically speaking], Potti giving second vocals and me on the leads. At the time of sound check, we found out that the guitar wasn't exactly responding the way we want it to. IOW, the output from the guitar just wasn't there. I suggested to Anoop to back out from the whole thing, as two guys singing Nothing Else Matters, without a guitar accompaniment is surely the easiest way to get booed, to even get some stuff for free in the stage [coz of people _giving_ it to you through projectile motion].

But, Anoop was strongheaded and said that it will sound well, once we start, and we decided to continue. Little did I know how serious a repercussion it will have in my life!! The curtain rose, and we started. THERE WAS ZERO OUTPUT FROM THE GUITAR - at least it wasn't audible over our "Hetfield/Newstead" combo. What more, we were performing the S&M version of the song - Haha. It was booing ALL the way! Sissies, even Sid and Gautam stopped supporting us. Haha, i still sit back and wonder, what the hell made me SO thick skinned that I would stand and sing until the END of the whole song - an easy 6 minutes [original track takes 6mins 50 secs]. Anyhoo, at the end of the _show_ I was scared. Scared for getting OUT of stage for fear of being mauled [and not by fans]. But, I always have that image before any show - gives me the necessary courage to get on stage for ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING. If people can't do anything to me after that glimpse at The hell's choir, anything that I do even remotely better will definitely provide a better reponse from the crowd. I always call it the day I became thick skinned. =)!

Just another 4 more working days of college to go, and it's over - finito, done, over, period. [Of course, the inconvenience of exams are there..Hehe]. However, I am reminded of some verses from the song "Wasted Years" on this occasion.

Too much time on my hands, I got you on my mind, Can't ease this pain, so easily, When you can't find the words to say, it's hard to make it through another day, And it makes me wanna cry, and throw my hands up to the sky.

So understand Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years, Face up...make your stand, And realise you're living in the golden years.

[] No more waking up @ 8am and rushing through your daily procs and reaching college [about 10 mins away by a two wheeler] by 9:30am. [] No more sitting in class and listening to lectures [or pretending to do so, whilst you are busy day dreaming or yapping to your mate by your side] [] No more cutting classes to go watch a movie, or just while away time at home, or the ever so trited "hanging out" [] No more series [WOOHOO!!!], late night study sessions [not gonna miss that either] [] No more Table Tennis in college [coz going by what Arjun says - at least 2-3 hours of TT can be expected as Siemens] [] No more sitting in class, and wondering when are we gonna get outta this place - the time has come - but has it come too fast?

I am full of mixed emotions, and no emotions for leaving SCT. Will I miss all this? I think my looking forward to life after this overshadows the "leaving" part. I think life is still to be lived under, although it will be fraught with much more hard work, at least much more than what I have over the course of my past 4 years. Empty excuses will work no more. No more looking at the teachers and saying, "I am sorry, Ma'am, I will definitely submit it tomorrow". No more _getting away_ anymore. I guess I will be more responsible of my life from now on.[After all coz it matters as I will earning my bread with that]

Any sadness of leaving the place? Yeah, guess there are some, but then hey, life moves on. People come, people go. It's the time spent with them in your life that matters the most.

A few lines pop into my mind

Retrospecting... Thinking back, four years down the lane, Gone by so fast, now a glimpse of life through a window pane A lot of ups, a few downs, Have had an amazing number of smiles, and of course a few frowns Twas fraught with friends, foes [aka teachers] and events Que sara - Thatz the way it is, ain't it? Mom had warned me that these years will pass real fast She was right, but she forgot to say that memories forever last