I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time Cos at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows Pole The sands of time for me are running lowWhen the priest comes to read me the last rites I take a look through the bars at the last sights Of a world that has gone very wrong for me
Can it be there's some sort of error Hard to stop the surmounting terror Is it really the end not some crazy dream
Somebody please tell me that I'm dreaming It's not so easy to stop from screaming But words escape me when I try to speak Tears they flow but why am I crying After all I am not afraid of dying Don't believe that there is never an end
As the guards march me out to the courtyard Someone calls from a cell "God be with you" If there's a God then why has he let me die?
As I walk all my life drifts before me And though the end is near I'm not sorry Catch my soul cos it's willing to fly away
Mark my words please believe my soul lives on Please don't worry now that I have gone I've gone beyond to see the truth
When you know that your time is close at hand maybe then you'll begin to understand Life down there is just a strange illusion.
Well that was the lyrics of the song that I kinda features in one of the absolute favorites. And I am feeling just that. Caught in between waiting to chase my dream of becoming a software professional and sheer boredom. Ambiguity of emotions is on an all time high.
The sheer thrill of waiting to join SISL is keeping me on the edge. Thoughts and ideas racing in my mind. What all should I pack? What kinda guys are gonna work with me? Will I enjoy my work? Should I give another consideration for TCS? Is SISL the way to go? What about my lifetime ambition of starting a venture? Will this be a hindrance for further studies that I have planned? And into more thoughts related to life in general?
Will B'lore be what I am hoping it would be? Will the "big city" phenomenon hit me? [It didn't when I saw New York | Boston | Chicago] The only time something huge and powerful hit me ever was when I saw the Niagra Falls - now thatz sheer POWER. You are taken in a boat somewhere near it, and u feel the water thrashing on to you. You are covered in waterproof overalls and you are just spellbound at the power that a simple waterfall can create. You also marvel at the spectacular shape of the waterfall - the horseshoe... WOW.
What about one of my passions - Gaming? Will I be able to continue to play in SISL? Can I bring my graphics card? What kinda clothing is really permitted in SISL and how much can I stretch the boundary of formal and casual :D? What about the girls in Bangalore? Are they going to be as cool as I hear they are? Will I find "my one" in Bangalore? Will I "choose to love" in Bangalore or "fall in love"? What about the most important thing - food? I don't want it to be costly. Will there be a gym facility near my place that I hope to arrange for? I wanna work out.
The wait is kinda nerve wrecking hehe.. esp with no one to discuss it with. It's absolutely frustrating. I was seeking relief to this by joggin, but I got sick after the beach charade. So, gone is the jogging for another 3-4 days, until I am back, gale and healthy.
I hope Amma and Ro come back soon, esp as the guys - Gautam, Anoop and Sid are going to Bangalore on the 11th I guess. I am wondering what I am planning to do then.... If I manage to stay sane during that time, I guess I can manage to stay sane for the rest of my life :D. I never realised how much of a social animal I have become until this!
I remember during my school times that I was really happy being alone [even now sometimes I need my space and time], but the amount of emotional dependence I realised I am having is again strange, coz I know that I used to live without it. But, yeah I guess I can realise now what people are talking about staying away from home and friends. I never realised it, especially with me wanting to do that so badly till now. But, as the time comes near, I realise more and more that I am gonna miss Amma's anger, pulling Ro's legs, Appa's vent for frustration and eternal complaints, Thatha firing me for being too indifferent and irresponsible, ammamma taking care of me and her crazy charades and all.
Well well well, such is the turn of life - now thats one sentence I never thought I would say. I am gonna miss HOME!!!! I am gonna miss Trivandrum. I am gonna miss the guys - Gautam, Sid and Anoop, the gals - Lax, Sonz! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I need to vent this frustration and fast. I am off to watch some TV and possibly study something. I still have to finish off with the lab exams on the 7th and 8th! Damn it!