The quarter life crisis!

Aaah 20 something and an avid blog reader? Well, this is one of things most blogged about in the past 2-3 weeks! For crying out loud, it is something that was even featured in a national magazine - the quarter life crisis! There you are when you have finished about 1/4th of the innings that you are about to play and you end up in something which sukhi has captured quite well here!

I think it's kinda crazy though when you can relate to most of the stuff written about it! These questions are something I have started asking over the course of last month and it's been featured in a paper, a mag, blogs are suddenly discussing it! I guess, a lotta 20 somethings are out there rite now aren't there?

So, what kinda questions are we asking to ourselves? Wait, lemme rephrase that, as I would rather be talking about myself here! I don't want to generalize it one bit!

Where is my life headed? Am i lost and wandering forever? Shouldn't there be a goal in my life rite now? What happened to all the goals that I had before I took a job - my higher studies what happened to them? Why do I feel that I am not that productive, at the same time not feel guilty about it? Why am I missing so many things of college life - and the most the carefree aspect? Why do I keep feeling that this is definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life? At the same time, this is what I have been training myself to do over the course of 4 years of engineering! What am I to do now that I have tasted this aspect of life - i.e. working and earning some moolah! Am I doing the right kinda things in life to take me to my goal - which is what? Should there be a special someone in my life now? Should there be a special someone in my life ever?

There are tons more but I'd rather concentrate on the above as they would be the most pertinent!

So, what did I do clear up my mess [don't start giggling there] This is a mess!! :-D! I have never done too much introspection or retrospection in my life!!

Where is my life headed?

That might be a simple one! I have always attributed myself to decisions made impromptu [Harsh, yes I love the word!] It is something that Malcolm Gladwell also preaches in Blink! and I guess probably Blank? as well now! The art of thinking at the last moment and not thinking at all has been pretty much ingrained into me - an innate ability even! So it's something I will eventually figure out! It will fall into place as soon as I have answered another question! What is my goal in life, which is well my second question anyway!

Am i lost and wandering forever? Shouldn't there be a goal in my life rite now?

The answer to that will be a resounding NOOOOOOOOOO! More for the fact that I am not willing to accept in life that I can be a nobody, one of the infinite mass, a miniscule insignificant speck in the Universe! Nopes, I cannot accept that, even if I am :-D! Call it denial or whatever you want, I'll strive hard enough not to be one! At the same time, I will not become a stereotype. I wanna do something that I feel. What I feel changes. Ideally what I would like to do is follow my wanton urges [Arjun, I found a usage for your word]! What I would ideally wanna do is Jumpinklings! Without the thought process there! I mean there will be a thought process, but for a very small burst, where in it will be done!

What happened to all the goals that I had before I took a job - my higher studies what happened to them?

Hmmm... I remember in college, during the TIME days! I had this feeling that I should not miss out any option - Job, MS, MBA! What happened to that Pangu? He's turned into a software professional. Is this what he really expected? Is this where he really saw himself during his 11th and 12th, during his college years? Not really.. but he's getting one aspect of the options - job and moolah! Does that mean, I have quit my aspirations of higher studies? No! But, at the same time the need to start on my own and the need to do something outta the way, something different and excel at it plays strong in my mind! I am just NOT happy doing the usual and be happy being good at it!

I was kinda taught - Higher studies is a necessity!

For what? - For a better job that pays better!

But is a job what I am looking at? I even love teaching! I can finish my higher studies and teach in a college! Be a trainer! But, even then I need to make the decision about what I wanna specialise in! I don't have any particular subject in Computer Science save for the core Comp Sci subjects involving math and then Web Programming!

At the same time, I am interested in media and advertising and would love to land on something to do with the same! Implies the MBA way!

Get what I mean by being in a conundrum! A labyrinth of various options! I promise I will write about how I overcame this quandary!! And I think I will spending enough time on it!

Why do I feel that I am not that productive, at the same time not feel guilty about it?

Reason for the question: I have done so many things in my college life! I used to tinker about stuff that interested me. I have an uncanny ability to really read and understand things, provided I take the time of course! Concepts are something I can grasp extremely well! So college life was a breeze! Right now, I am doing stuff that is getting monotonous! In college, there was an end to the semester and new stuff to look forward to.. Here, monotony is sorta reigning supreme!

The thing is though that I DO enjoy working on what I do, it's just that the challenge always in my life has been to put my fingers in many things and come up on top! Here, not many things are there to do other than work and TT!

Why am I missing so many things of college life - and the most the carefree aspect?

Obviously yes, one of the most important things is the carefree life! Once salary and moolah comes into the pic, I have had to deal with tax [the process of giving money to the Govt so that they can decide to make some infrastructure for you and provide with a lotta comforts all on the pipeline]! Anyhoo, tax is just one of the things! Worrying about food, shelter and clothing has taken its toll on me :-D!

Why do I keep feeling that this is definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life?

Yes, that is perfectly fine and right as I do not wanna keep coding for the rest of my life! I like the media, I love to sing, I love games, especially talking about them! So, there ya go that one if solved!

At the same time, this is what I have been training myself to do over the course of 4 years of engineering!

Grrr!! Why do I come up with these questions? Yup, it is! And that is why you have taken up a job! The 4 years of toiling [read: enjoying] has paid off by you joining SISL!

What am I to do now that I have tasted this aspect of life - i.e. working and earning some moolah!

Yes, that is one thing off my charts, so now try and carry on with the remaining things that you wanna do - higher studies, entrepreneurship etc!

Am I doing the right kinda things in life to take me to my goal - which is what?

Hmmm, so far in my life I have never really thought about why I did what I did, except that it was instinct, a gut feeling that this is what I should do! I have turned out quite ok! So, I am gonna continue with the same thing! Lemme see if it takes me into trouble! if it does, we'll see there! :-)!

Should there be a special someone in my life now? Should there be a special someone in my life ever?

The answer to this is kinda vague! Once I come up with a complete answer, I will post it! Till then it'll be in the draft state :-)!

So, there ya have it folks! I mean, look at what quarter life crisis has done to me - it made me ask some questions! Me - who takes life probably as easy as it comes, except when I have nothing to do and it makes me brood, like this did!! :-)! But, life is good, life is awesome! I am just gonna be a bit more focused that's all! Lay down the "fun" I was having so far and concentrate on my career! oooh a new buzzword in my life! Let's see what is gonna happen! As of now, back to living life the way I have lived it!