Caught under...

Try as he may, he was finding it hard to forget her! He had managed to remove her from his system on normal days! But, when he was alone and just pondering about his life, she seemed to seep into anything he thought! He had loved her! With his limited knowledge of what "love" was, he thought that she was the one for him! Again, he tried to shake his head and try and forget her and the pain! He tried to remember, how she entered his brain again! Yes, he thought to himself, the power cut had gotten him to lie down on his bed and start thinking about something he didn't remember anymore, for she had managed to occupy herself in his thoughts, yet again! He told himself, not to even remotely feel pity for himself! Yet, he was pissed off! How much had he protected her? Her reputation, her name. He had never let anyone take a jibe at her. But, then why did she use him so much? The hurt was just too much! He punched on the ground and got up from his bed!

The class suddenly came alive in front of him. There he was in 4th standard and still she managed to bedazzle him. His thoughts took a rewind and got him to his school entrance exam. They had all taken it together. He saw her, sitting by the window, which had no bars. It was just a wooden frame with a door. Seeping through the half ajar window were the rays of sunlight, radiating her face. She was dressed pretty and neat, a white shirt, a dark blue skirt and one of those horizontal blue and white striped belts! The image still with vivid clarity overcame him, although it was almost 12 years ago!

He had grown adoring her. Through high school, higher secondary and college, he grew loving her! But, never did he ever tell her how he felt! They were great friends! He used to practically spend his whole time with her! Almost neighbors, he gelled well with her family!

Senses regained, he jolted his head and realised that power was still out and he had taken to sitting on his bed, with his back resting by the wall. He shifted his position to get up and find a drink of water. He got the water and came back to his bed! His mind wandered again.

Retrsopecting, he pondered about when he started loving her? He knew that it was puppy love and there were times in his life he did not consider her anything more than a really really close friend! When did he start feeling something more towards her? He smiled, not beleiving that he was using words like "something more", which he usually considered extremely cheesy!

Fast forward! He remembered the day he dared! He remembered how high strung he was! He was stunned even now to think that she was able to actually make him dance! Maybe it was some moment spent in her house? Maybe it was something that triggered in class? He still couldn't put his finger on it! Why did he love her? Was it that she was pretty? Was it that she was nice? How could he have loved her? He never was the same when she was around! He never could be quite the usual flippant that he was normally! He never could be as humorous as he was normally! He could never be himself and still he loved her!!

He got up and took a cigarette! He started it because of her! Initially to impress her! Then to mourn that she left him! Then it just became a habit! He remembered her b'day, when he showered her with gifts! He, who never bought anyone anything, shunned the very idea of gifting and cards, bought gifts and cards coz she was leaving! He smiled again! She had managed to ooze every bit of a romantic in him! But, even now, he did not pity himself! He did not cross himself saying that it was all a waste! He had enjoyed every bit of being in love with her! To him, she was worth living through all the pain he endured again!

Then, he thought of the day when his friend told him about her being with someone else! It had hurt him! But, he managed to forget about it and lead on with his life! She was far away now! Not a call, occassional forwards here and there! He never bothered to call her anymore! What a change, he thought to himself, feeling guilty! He may have called her if not for the fact that he did not want to be feel used anymore.

No more proactive helping! That was all done for a cause! Yet, he knew that a call from her would change everything! One call from her, and he might be a waddling puppy! One call for help and he would be rushing, elacing everything!

No matter, how much he just wanted to let be - be the fun, humorous person that he was, he knew that one call would get unleash the feelings he had pent up for her! Do not fumble anymore, he told himself! Yet, remorseful he felt sweating! He cursed the electricity board and continued gawking at the darkness!

All he saw was the orange, amber glow of the cigarette burning from one, edging to another with each puff. As he dragged the puff, the flickering of the tubelight caught his attention! He finished his last puff and lay it to rest by the ash-tray, overflowing with quenched cigarette butts! He told himself, No, Don't call her! He dialled her number and then pressed the phone to his ear! Just as he thought that he will cancel the call, the phone rang! He wanted to cut it off! Instead, he found himself praying that she pick up the call!

The he heard a voice! "The subscriber you have dialled is not responding! Please try after sometime".

Why? Why did she lead me on? He never really approached her! But, she should have known! She should have guessed! She had known hadn't she? And still, inspite of how much I loved her! This is not fair as he calmed himself down!

He cancelled the call and stuck his earphones back! Blaring metal music pervaded his brain through the ears now adorned with the earphones! And he heard Hetfield singing " Caught under the wheels roll...I take the leash...I'm bleeding me.". He put his head to rest and switched off the lights! As the fan brought about a comforting breeze, beads of sweat slowly faded... He closed his eyes... and hummed " I am the beast that bleeds the feast..I am the blood, I am release...Come make me pure, Bleed me a cure...I'm caught, I'm caught, I'm caught under....", waiting for another day, another power cut!

Divya had this amazing post "How many love stories can you write without having fallen in love? "! I simply loved the way she had formulated the whole thing!! It's well, "simply divine"!!