Beautiful Pain

Silent, lulling the panderTo end this seamless wander Is this the thought that passes Through a suicider's mind?

Act upon thought or lack of it They extinguish the lit In an act of confidence They decide to take the flip side.

What can probably make them hate their life so much that they decide to undergo the pain and the suffering to end it? End, the precious life? I agree - people can be sad, mean and at times, plain bad! They can feel that everything is pitting against them. Nobody seems to care about them. Nobody seems to give a damn that they are completely aloof of what is happening in the world. I can even understand the fact that majority of the people cannot and usually do not relate to you very easily. Everybody seems lost in themselves or in the company of others.

They make you feel all alone, and you just become mute. You don't mingle any more. You just dwindle along with the rest of the world. You become a loner. Your thoughts just wander along untread paths. Retrospection, introspection and other *spections just seep into your life. You wonder about the meaning of life. You wonder why you exist?

You tend to ponder about unseen worlds, which you have only heard of...

He couldn't beleive it was his own writing. As he pondered over his current situation, he realised the gravity of the change his own mind has undergone. He wasn't the same person anymore. Life had taken him through extremes. Death was now pandering him. Mute, he let the old piece of paper slip through his fingers, not that he could have any more control over them.

A sudden black out seemed to sweep in. He tried breathing...

He wanted to read more. He wanted to read more of that paper! Memories were flooding him from every side.

As I had my last drag for the day, I suddenly thought about pain. Never in my life, did I ever think about it this way. I had always attributed it to something a person would never wanna have. I always thought that people who would inflict pain on themselves would be masochists. Yet, the pain I felt today washed away all such thoughts from my head. Was I going crazy? Maybe I am, but then I always was wasn't i?

I was always the weird one everywhere. That was normal. And, why shouldn't it be? I always prided myself for the fact that I was a unique personality. Maybe today, I would just take the para-normal plunge. What would the world do, if they see that I am not there anymore. I can't obviously vanish into thin air. But, what if I die? Would the world really mourn my death? How many people would really care for me if I just end, my life line, forming a steady rhythm to a mind-numbing beep?

Silent, lulling the pander...

The warmth brought him back to reality! He looked into the mirror. The color was slowly ebbing away from his dusky skin to a ghostly pale white. For the first time, he saw his face so dead. Along with the color, life itself was slowly flowing. Initially it was a steady gush, but now, after holding it tight with a knot, it just decded to slowly drench the white hankie he had to a crimson red.

He suddenly didn't wanna end it this way! He wanted to live for more. Experience love, life, the simple pleasures of life

He wanted to watch his neighborhood kids play cricket again. The bustle, the noise, the usual kid crying out that he wasn't out....

He wanted to watch his family again, although they were at a faraway place now! They didn't really know or care he existed anymore. Not after he decided to ditch them in favor of his girl...

Suddenly, he felt all alone! He was had by life. And the beautiful pain just entered him again. Aaah, maybe it was meant to be this way.....

Maybe it was this darkness that he had been waiting for all the while...