Qantas Airways

This is hilarious!! ROFLMAO!!

*Email forward!!

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct  the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots  review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be  said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual  maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a  P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance  engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has  never had an accident.... Enjoy!

P: Left  inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced  left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except  auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this  aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead  bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet  per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem  on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main  landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more  believable level.

P: Friction locks cause  throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always  inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in  windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles  funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be  serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse  in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And  the best one for last..................

P: Noise  coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away  from midget.