Outside the card and inside it...

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card)   - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card)   - I never believed in Hell until I met you.  

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) -   That you're not here to ruin it for me ...

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....  
(Inside card) -   Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.  

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) -   Almost lifelike!  

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) -   Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.  

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....  
(Inside card) -   Did you ever find out who the father was?  

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and   there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card)   - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often ..

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card)   - So we're having you put to sleep.  

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) -   What the   hell   was I thinking  

11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) -   It's almost like you're still here.  

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) -   I never knew what evil was until I met you!  

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) -   Too bad no one likes your husband.  

14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) -   Your cooking kills me  

15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) -   You're divorced.  

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) -   Especially since you survived.  

17. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) -   It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.  

18. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) -   Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(inside card) -   What do you say we stop?